Two-Dollar Eddie and the Watermelon Stand

Two-Dollar Eddie and the Watermelon Stand

June 28, 2012 - 5th Day

Up at the watermelon stand with my sweet landlady this morning, she and I had some interesting encounters with the citizens of this back-water town. I thought I'd write up a bit of it so you could experience it for yourself. I probably couldn't remember it all, but it really was funny:

"Eddie, hold up a second and let me get you do to something for me."

Kitzi stepped out out from under the shade of the blue-canvased watermelon stand into the hot Georgia sun to approach an older, thin black gentleman who stopped his bike as soon as he heard the small blonde woman "holler" at him.

"Eddie, I was gonna ask you if you would do me a favor," she said as she started fishing around in her pockets. "If I give you some money, would you run up to Gunn's and get me a diet coke?"

She pulled out two dollars and put it in his hand. "And make sure you get yourself one too."

Eddie nodded several times. "Yessma'am, Kitzi. You want that now or later, cuz I'm gonna be a little later gettin back now."

"That'd be fine, Eddie. Take your time."

The man pocked the money and continued biking down the road at an unbelievably slow pace.

Kitzi looked over at me and smiled. "That was 'Two-Dollar Eddie'. He's always asking everyone for two dollars. No one knows what he wants with those two dollars, but he never asks you twice. I reckon he's asked just about everyone in town though."

As I tried to calculate how much money Two-Dollar Eddie could make by getting two dollars from everyone in town, an oversized, red truck pulled up to the watermelon stand. Kitzi and I watched as an equally oversized white man with dark sunglasses and a blue polo shirt stepped out of the vehicle, causing it shift and creak as the added weight was removed from the truck.

"Howdy-do, ladies," the man said with a casual wave of his hand and a nod of his head. "Hot weather we're-a-havin' today."

"Yessir," Kitzi and I chimed in together as I tried not to look too wide eyed at the man who could have come straight out of a comedy skit making fun of Southern folk.

"I hear we're gonna have a hard time of it come this weekend. Gonna be blazin' out here. Whoo, look at them there watermelons! I was here two weeks past lookin out for them beans you've been growing, but I ain't seen 'em yet, now. Now my brother Jeff, he can grow some beans. He lives over yonder past the county line. You would-a seen where he stays there, Kitzi, when you go a-ridin' your bicycle down into town off-a highway 20, you know where I'm-a-talkin'bout, don'tcha?"

By this point, Kitzi and I were just nodding and saying, "Mhm-hmm, yessir" like good southern ladies, smiling the whole time.

"Well, speakin of that heat I was talkin' bout, you gotta get used to it out here. Yes ma'am, you do. I'm Georgia born-'an-raised, originally from DeKalb county. Me and my wife have traveled 'round three states with my job but she just can't seem to settle on a place I like. She ain't like us country folk, 'cuz she says we're too far out from the city."

"Can you be too far out? I didn't think you could be," Kitzi said now that the man had taken a breath.

"No ma'am, I reckon you can't be too far out. See, I'm a Hartley and my mamma was a MacIntosh and all her sisters were MacIntoshes. Her mamma ain't never had no boys so that name ain't too familiar round these part no more, but them Hartleys...you know 'bout us Hartleys, right Mrs. Kitzi? My grandmama Hartley was a Connaway back 'fore she got married to my granddaddy and you here 'bout them all over town. The Connaways used to own that building that's been a pizza place off-a the main road over there through town 'bout three times. I wanna see that place succeed, but there just ain't enough people 'round here wantin' pizza when you could just go up to the IGA or the Dollar Store and get you a frozen one. People just ain't want'n to wait nowadays."

The man took a breath. Finally.

"Well, lemme get my hands on one of them melons there, Kitzi. Boy, do they look fine. Well, I gotta head on back to the house. It was sure good to see you ladies. I hope you have a blessed day."

He waddled/walked back to his truck, but remembered something, turned around and said to me, "Ma'am, I bet you if you want to sell them yellow squash you've been growin', let 'em get a little bit bigger. The black folk round here just love 'em big to slice and fry. Ya'll have a good day now, ladies."

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I love this town. :)